Never lead with the negative

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I ran into a colleague of mine at Starbucks last week and this was our conversation:

Her: Oh my gosh, hi Maja, I didn’t think I’d run into anyone. Ugh, I look like friggin’ shit. I haven’t even had a shower yet.

Me: [looks at watch, it’s 2:00pm?!?!] —Hi, how’s it going?

Her: Ugh, sorry I look like such total crap, I honestly was just going to pop in for a latte before going home to shower. I was running errands and then I was going to exercise this morning and then obviously shower,  but then I didn’t finish my work from last night, had a conference call….and then…….BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.

Oh. My. Goodness. What’s wrong with this conversation??

She led with the negative!!! NEVER, EVER, LEAD WITH THE NEGATIVE. 

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Stop baking stuff for the office!

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Ladies! Could we please stop worrying about being liked and being nice, and start working on our careers, making more money and living our dreams?  And on that note, STOP BAKING STUFF FOR THE OFFICE!  –No joke, I know so many women who bake things for their office mates or boss. If you have time to bake cookies and scones and pies, then you’re not prioritizing your career. Because no one gets promoted based on their culinary skills unless you’re in the food business. Read More


Amy Schumer 160lbs and sexual

Here’s Amy Schumer accepting an award at the Glamour Women of the Year event last year. It’s an older clip, but a good one. Another example showing you don’t have to be 110 pounds to have confidence, to be sexual. A reminder that bodies come in different sizes. We’re all worthy of having confidence and sexuality. And damn it, beauty shouldn’t be the #1 goal for women. What about success? What about knowledge? What about smarts?

Our self-worth shouldn’t be tied to our appearance. Our confidence shouldn’t be bound by the inches of our hips.

The reason I love Amy Schumer so much is that she’s SO smart, SO witty, and SO empowered. She’s her own boss and she’s challenging the dominant notion that women’s worth is tied to their looks. She’s also prolific and writes, produces, acts, and does stand-up at such a ferocious pace that makes me want to step up my game.

(Now I need to find other videos examples, but with non-White women……much more difficult to find on-line….which is problematic, obviously)


How girls talk about their bodies

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Anthropologist Mimi Nichter wrote a book called “Fat-Talk: What Girls and Their Parents Say About Dieting.”

The research team spent 3 years interviewing hundreds of adolescent and teen girls and their parents about how they think and talk about their bodies. They interviewed white, black and Latina girls from lower-middle to middle-class backgrounds.

The research found:

  1. Teen girls spend a LOT of time talking about dieting, and a lot less time actually dieting.
  2. Fat-Talk among girls was a way of being or creating solidarity
  3. “African-American girls were much more satisfied with their bodies than white girls, for them, beauty was a matter of projecting attitude and moving with confidence & style.”

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Fat Talk, Body Talk, Diet Talk

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What is fat talk? It’s any disparaging dialogue about your body or weight. These can either be nega­tive comments (“I hate my stomach”) or positive ones (“Ugh, thank goodness I lost weight so now I can fit into my skinny jeans!”)[i]

Fat talk is a contagious type of conversation that most girls and women engage in. If we’re not directly disparaging our bodies, then we listen to other women do it. We participate in conversations that focus solely on our bodies, not our minds. Read More


Body-Love

Can we just learn to love our bodies, please?  Thin, fat, big, small, perky or floppy. It might help if we saw more than one definition of beauty.

Here are some beautiful women with beautiful bodies.

Serena Williams, tennis player

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Amanda Bingson, hammer thrower.

Amanda Bingson, hammer thrower, American record holder

Misty Copeland, the first African-American principal dancer at New York’s American Ballet Theatre.

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Amy Schumer, comedienne

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Toddlers learn fat shaming from their moms

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A new study published in The Journal of Experimental Child Psychology last month showed that toddlers displayed fat-shaming attitudes, learned from their mothers.

Researchers in New Zealand showed toddlers various pictures of thin and fat people, with their faces obscured. “The 11 month-old infants preferred to look at the obese people, whereas the toddler group (around 32 months) preferred to look at average-sized figures.” Read More


Focus on your brain, not your skinny jeans!

How smart is this girl??  I love it!  Watch this 5 minute clip from the Stephen Colbert show.

Her name is Olivia Hallisey and she’s the winner of Google’s Science Fair. She’s 17 years old! So confident, so articulate and clearly passionate about what she does. And she invented a new test for Ebola!

These are the types of role models young girls & women need to be surrounded by. Science is cool. Being smart is cool. And wanting to talk about things other than your body weight, or cooking or calories…..is SO much cooler.


Jealous much?

 

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Ever find yourself jealous at someone else’s success?  Jealousy and envy aren’t necessarily evil emotions. They’re actually quite useful for confirming what’s missing in your life.

Usually you’re jealous or envious because you want something someone else has. You’re never jealous of what you don’t want, right?[i] Read More


You Can’t Save the World

You cannot save the world. You cannot fix everyone. You can’t be the solution to everyone else’s problems. If you keep trying to be the “fixer” you’ll quickly teach others how they can treat you. —Meaning that you’ll be teaching others that your time is dispensable and your needs aren’t important.

You are not responsible for the drama and chaos that is other people’s lives.

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How to raise confident girls!

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Sadly, gender roles are established early on in life. So, as mothers or guardians we need to interrupt the dialogue of gender inequality that our children are exposed to on T.V., film and in books. Children see themselves in the characters they watch, so it’s important to make sure your children are being exposed to strong, intelligent, assertive, and confident characters.

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Here are some tips: Read More




If they don’t see it, they can’t be it.

Did you know that:

  • 28% of speaking characters in family films are female
  • 39%  of speaking roles in prime-time programming are female
  • 31% of CHILDREN’s show characters are women

What?? Wait a minute. This is crazy. We’re half the population, and barely 30% of what you see or hear on screen?

Remember the actress Geena Davis from the movie Thelma and Louise? Thelma and Louise.jpgWell, she started a research institute, called “The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media” in 2004 (why did I just discover this recently??). Read More