#Here I am….Body Love, Body Positivity, any size

 

As many of you know I have thin privilege. I’ve never been on a diet or struggled with my weight. I’ve never gone to the mall and not been able to find clothes in my size. I’ve never browsed through magazines and not seen someone with my body type.

When I feel like eating 3 servings of dessert no one EVER makes a nasty comment. I’ve never been called names or had food thrown at me because of my size. I’ve never been told that “we don’t carry things for your size here” when I walk into a store. This is thin privilege.  Read More


Confidence Killers

confidence killers

Confidence is a growth trait, meaning with practice you can grow this muscle. You can increase your self-esteem and confidence.

Part of growing your confidence is being aware of what kills your confidence (e.g. toxic or hurtful relationships).

If you grew up hearing how useless or stupid you were, you didn’t really get a chance to build a confidence reservoir.  Read More


Amy Schumer 160lbs and sexual

Here’s Amy Schumer accepting an award at the Glamour Women of the Year event last year. It’s an older clip, but a good one. Another example showing you don’t have to be 110 pounds to have confidence, to be sexual. A reminder that bodies come in different sizes. We’re all worthy of having confidence and sexuality. And damn it, beauty shouldn’t be the #1 goal for women. What about success? What about knowledge? What about smarts?

Our self-worth shouldn’t be tied to our appearance. Our confidence shouldn’t be bound by the inches of our hips.

The reason I love Amy Schumer so much is that she’s SO smart, SO witty, and SO empowered. She’s her own boss and she’s challenging the dominant notion that women’s worth is tied to their looks. She’s also prolific and writes, produces, acts, and does stand-up at such a ferocious pace that makes me want to step up my game.

(Now I need to find other videos examples, but with non-White women……much more difficult to find on-line….which is problematic, obviously)


How girls talk about their bodies

Fat-talk book.jpg

Anthropologist Mimi Nichter wrote a book called “Fat-Talk: What Girls and Their Parents Say About Dieting.”

The research team spent 3 years interviewing hundreds of adolescent and teen girls and their parents about how they think and talk about their bodies. They interviewed white, black and Latina girls from lower-middle to middle-class backgrounds.

The research found:

  1. Teen girls spend a LOT of time talking about dieting, and a lot less time actually dieting.
  2. Fat-Talk among girls was a way of being or creating solidarity
  3. “African-American girls were much more satisfied with their bodies than white girls, for them, beauty was a matter of projecting attitude and moving with confidence & style.”

Read More


Toddlers learn fat shaming from their moms

fat shaming

A new study published in The Journal of Experimental Child Psychology last month showed that toddlers displayed fat-shaming attitudes, learned from their mothers.

Researchers in New Zealand showed toddlers various pictures of thin and fat people, with their faces obscured. “The 11 month-old infants preferred to look at the obese people, whereas the toddler group (around 32 months) preferred to look at average-sized figures.” Read More


What is self-compassion?

Self compassion 2

As women we’re SO hard on ourselves all the time. We ridicule ourselves for failing at a task, when we should be pumping ourselves up. We call ourselves names and endlessly berate ourselves for our mistakes, instead of figuring out why we messed up and how we can move on.

Intimately tied to our nagging negative voice is our level of self-compassion.

Well, what the heck is self compassion and why is it important for success? Read More


The Fraud Syndrome

Fraud syndrome

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

  • I can’t believe I got into university/graduate school/med school/law school/etc…..
  • I can’t believe they actually hired me/promoted me/made me manager
  • I can’t believe I’m here because I don’t know what I’m doing.
  • I can’t believe they asked me to talk, I don’t know anything.
  • Someone is going to find out I shouldn’t be here and I’ll get kicked out.

Read More


Building Self-Confidence

At any given time women vacillate between having total self-confidence and drowning in doubt and anxiety. When someone asks what you do for a living, do you keep your dreams to yourself so that you can’t get criticized for not achieving them?  Did someone tell you you’ll never be a lawyer/doctor/graduate student/leader/public speaker/good at math – and now you actually believe them? Read More


You’re not a polling station!

Do you ask your mother, sister, best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, colleague, neighbor and nutritionist for their opinion on a topic before you make a final decision?  Well, you need to stop doing this. It’s weak.  It shows you’re indecisive and you lack confidence, and nobody wants a leader that’s indecisive or unsure of themselves.

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Can you PLEASE start asking questions?

Do you NEVER ask a question for fear of standing out in a classroom or work setting? Do you think you’ll sound like an idiot for asking a question? During every single class I tell my students “please ask me anything….there are no stupid questions…..your question will benefit others…” But no one asks any questions.

And then they proceed to freak out because they don’t know what they’re doing. Read More


What are you so afraid of?

So many of us live our lives in fear of something. One of my favorite people Sheryl Sandberg asks,

“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”

So, what are we so afraid of?

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of not being liked
  • Fear of being judged
  • Fear of looking stupid (or asking a stupid question)
  • Fear of parental disapproval
  • Fear that I won’t make any money doing this
  • Fear of mumbling or not sounding smart
  • Fear of making the wrong decision
  • Fear of making a fool of yourself
  • Fear of trying and not succeeding the first time
  • Fear that everyone is looking at you
  • Fear that everyone will make fun of you
  • Fear of your relationship ending

Read More


Fear is holding you back.

Fear is holding you back.

Fear will destroy your life. Fear will prevent you from achieving your full potential and force you into a life of doing or being ordinary, average and mediocre.  Fear will force you to always be that person who silently wishes for a better life but never acts upon it. Years from now you’ll look back on your life and wish it was different, you’ll wish you had done more. But you allowed fear to control your decisions. Read More


Learn to LOVE Constructive Feedback

Don’t you hate it when someone asks you for your opinion and then gets irritated with you when you tell them the truth?

If you don’t want the truth, then don’t ask for my opinion.

But you know what? Most people have no idea how to handle constructive feedback. They take it as a personal attack on their character, they start shutting down, or wildly defending themselves.  Are you one of those people? Read More


Rejection

You will hear “NO” at some point in your life. You will get rejected and this will not make you feel good.

But hearing “no” doesn’t mean you’re incapable of getting to a yes. It just means that for this specific moment, your product or service or idea is not ready. This doesn’t mean you can’t get ready, it doesn’t mean you’ll never succeed. ALL a rejection means is “not now” or “you’re not ready now,” or “you haven’t convinced me yet“.

That’s all. That’s it. Read More